The Reformer

I once again placed myself in an unexpected situation. After my law class, I visited the volunteer center and was invited to attend the Enneagram retreat last Saturday. I didn't know what to expect but I decided to join a few minutes before 7:30pm of Saturday. I didn't know the exact location of the place where I was headed for the retreat so I had to ask for directions. Yes, I was all alone. It was night time. And I was a little bit afraid. 

When  I arrived in the venue I was asked to answer a questionnaire with 144 items that made me think of how I was in my 20 years of existence. I was late for the retreat but I was able to catch up. I finished answering and got the result.

My highest score is 22 which is equal to the first personality.

I am a reformer.

What then is a reformer? 

Based on the definition of the reformer, what applies to me is the part where it says that a reformer is principled, idealistic, conscientious, ethical, with a strong sense of right and wrong, afraid of making mistakes, well-organized, orderly, maintains high standards, perfectionist. They become teachers, crusaders, and advocates for change but have problems with resentment and impatience.

All of it applies to me after I looked into my experiences.

I felt disturb to know that this test was able to know my personality. I felt disturb for knowing that this is me for years. I have been a person with principles with a strong sense of right and wrong because when I saw a classmate of mine who was cheating, I wanted to tell the teacher about it but I know that my classmate would be subject to something negative. My classmates could fail. I don't understand why students could have the nerve to cheat. Why do they have to cheat??? I would never forget the words of Fr. Jett Villarin when he celebrated the mass on our Orsem. He said, AMDG stands for Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam or For the greater glory of God. It does not stand for Ang Mangopya Dako ug Grado. If students cheat, it's not the teachers whom they are trying to fool but themselves. 

I know that I am afraid of committing mistakes. A perfectionist. In every quiz, I work hard to get a score of a 100%. It was how we were raised. I could still remember my mom saying, " i-perfect ang quiz ha" and there I work hard for it. I want to be in control of my life. My friends would usually tell me to loosen up but I feel that doing it could mess things up. I did try and it didn't turn out good so I decided to take control again.

I am well-organized. I have been using a planner since my first year in college. I do checklists since highshool. I like my clothes organized by function and by color. I like the things in my bag to be properly positioned.

I have lived a life with full of responsibilities.

My close friends would tell me that I have a high standard not only in my academics but also in my lovelife. You don't know the whole story of why I continued to raise my standard. I don't wish to have just a person to be with but I have my standards to follow. I don't wish to settle for less but I know that there is someone who would be an exception.

The result made me think that being a student volunteer in KKP was where I was able to bring out the teacher or the advocate in me. So, that could probably be the reason why I don't get scared like a lot whenever we join prayer rallies or go out on the streets to hold signboards and speak for a cause. My mom already scolded me when I did it last year. She even called me an activist for doing so but I believe that it was for those people and their families who lost their loved ones when crime rates in the city was at its peak. It was also the reason why I thought of applying for a year of volunteer work anywhere in the Philippines but choose not to involve in it yet due to my priorities. They say reformers have left comfortable lives to do something extraordinary because they felt that something higher was calling them. I felt this. A lot of times. Volunteers would know the feeling of constantly being disturbed by the social situations. There is somehow this person who continues to tap our shoulders and invites us to follow His path.

They say our idealism has inspired millions. I believe that I have inspired people after being thanked for inspring them but I continue to do my best to inspire more because I believe that they too could inspire others. Each of us have our own light to carry.

They say we are heroic. We wish to try our best to reduce the disorder in the environment. I know that there were times when I'd wish to bear the burden of others so they would no longer have to feel it. I have given myself so much to other people that sometimes I would ask myself if it is worth my time and my effort. Sometimes I have given much that I would feel that I  no longer left a part for myself.

Reformers become activists. 

All of this reflects my personality and my personality is a reflection of the things that I was able to experience and the people that I was able to meet. 

But, I am happy to be like this and to know that I could still improve after knowing about my self. Self-mastery is the key. 

I felt blessed to have known these things and that I was able to go back from my business trip in Iligan to attend the retreat. Indeed, God continues to surprise me :)